Extracts from Queen Mother Book of Condolance.

"When Diana died I swore I would never smile again, but eventually I
did. Now the Queen Mum has gone I cannot image that I will ever smile
for the rest of my life, but I will probably break that one too".

"I thought she would never die, she has let us all down very badly"

"She was a marvelous woman, and a wonderful lover". L. J.Worthington,

"I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have got the dayoff".

"Perhaps if we automated her old golf buggy it could still drive around 
the Mall on its own and bring pleasure to the tourists".

"Once again the Queen is not upset enough for my liking, the woman should 
have a bit more compassion, how would she feel if it was her mother?"

"I am sure the Queen Mum will not let this setback put an end to her
public duties".

"I hold Princess Margaret in no small way responsible for this terrible event"


"No matter how she felt, no matter the situation, she always wore a
smile. Just like a retard"


"She was one of us, and by that I don't mean she perpetrated insurance
fraud or lied about expense claims. She was like us in a good way."

"She had such a difficult life, always battling against adversity and
misfortune. Let us hope that if there is a next time round she is given a
life of privilege and comfort"

Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, recently
submitted by  pilots to maintenance
engineers.

After attending to the problem, maintenance crews are required to log the
details of the action taken to solve the problem.  

P = The problem logged by the pilot. 
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
   
P - Test flight OK, except Autoland very rough.
S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
   
P - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S - No. 2 propeller seepage normal - Nos.1,3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
   
P - Something loose in cockpit.
S - Something tightened in cockpit.
   
P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
   
P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S - Evidence removed.
   
P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
S - Volume set to more believable level.
   
P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S - That's what they are there for!
   
P - IFF inoperative.
S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
   
P - Suspected crack in windscreen.
S - Suspect you're right.
   
P - Number 3 engine missing.
S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.
   
P - Aircraft handles funny.
S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, fly right, and be serious."
   
P - Target radar hums.
S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

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